can’t think of a title
Monday, November 7th, 2005"Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing
because he could only do a little."
-Edmund Burke
today is one of the worse days of my life. ang hirap pala ng naghihintay. im sure nakakarelate yung mga classmates ko as well as my fellow ateneo law studs…today is the ultimate day of judgment, the day that we dread–release of our grades. it never occurred to me that the release of grades would be so much of a fuss…well, during the sem break, i busied myself with a lot of stuff to do…reading books (NOT law books), doing household chores, accompanying my siblings to malls, basta…i did everything to divert my attention from THIS day. everytime that someone would mention the topic that the release of grades is up and coming, i’ll go wild and tell the person to stop because i don’t want to talk about it. i just want to enjoy the sembreak, that’s all.
i tried to evade this day but today, the reality of the fact just keeps on creeping under my skin. It stares at me eye-to-eye telling me that i can’t escape any longer. and i really dread the feeling. super helpless, looking at my mailbox na wala naman dumadating na message kundi ung mga sarili ko ring messages about the appeals process and other announcements. kanina, i tried to divert my attention again, naglampaso ako ng buong bahay, ginawa ko ung documents ng mom ko for SSS and Philhealth, nagpunta ako ng bank…ang dami talaga…but it all comes down to this pa rin…sabi nga ni Lec, kailangan talagang harapin.
and now, nagsusulat ako dito ng kung anu-ano para lang pampalipas ng oras…gusto ko na to matapos…para na ko aatakihen sa puso sa kaba. Parati sinasabi sa akin na dapat di ako kabahan but you know, tao lang tayong lahat…and talaga, right this very moment pakiramdam ko sasabog na yung puso ko sa kakatibok ng sobrang bilis. gusto ko na nga lang biglang maglaho sa kawalan eh…big deal ba talaga tong release ng grades? sa akin big deal kasi i want my mom to be happy. and i want to make sure that she’ll be happy when i tell her about my grades. but what if di cya as i thought? dun ako nagkakaproblema…i’ve never expected anything since the day na nagLaw school ako..if you don’t expect anything, there’d be no frustrations and disappointments. i just enjoyed it and i really had fun. but at the end of it all, i still want something out of my wonderful experience during the 1st sem–and the irony of it is that, THAT in itself is an expectation. With that, i make myself vulnerable to anything.
ngayon, may nagtext…hay..tinatanong ako about my grades…shucks, parang mamamatay na ko sa paghihintay…itutulog ko na lang cguro to. napakahabang araw talaga ng araw na to.
