I really don’t think I’m being too hard on myself…I work hard to achieve my only dream yet parang ayaw naman sa akin ng pangarap ko…Super disappointing. I don’t think I’ve ever studied this hard since first year first sem only to discover that it wasn’t enough. It’s never enough.
I really don’t think I’m being too hard on myself…I work hard to achieve my only dream yet parang ayaw naman sa akin ng pangarap ko…Super disappointing. I don’t think I’ve ever studied this hard since first year first sem only to discover that it wasn’t enough. It’s never enough.
When everything seems to go the wrong way, our faith is tested and even made stronger and more enduring. One has got to have faith that everything happens for a reason that only God knows of. Whether we are able to fathom the reasons matters not for what is essential is that we be able to realize that God only wants the best for each of us. Everyone has a reason to be thankful for whatever blessings he receives in his life. Without the life He has given and for the love He has shared, we were made to be beings of our own, each one unique in his own right and each having the inherent capacity of change. Every breath we take is a new chance we are given. Every breath is a living witness to the faith He has on each of us to be able to make the best of what he has given. Every breath is a new lease in life. We need to trust that no matter what obstacles come in the way, the God who placed such desire in our hearts will not disappoint. We need to believe that even the scarcest of resources has the makings of a miracle. In faith, we are made to live again.
This is not what I live my life for. And until I find that something to live that life for, I don’t think I truly will consider myself happy and complete.
Law school’s draining the hell out of me. emotionally. im a certified professional crammer. i don’t study ahead for recits, i don’t study ahead for midterms or finals. i don’t know if my study habits have something to do with it, but yung kumpyansa ko sa sarili when taking exams, parang it’s slipping away. worse, the less confidence i have, the more possibility i’ll answer all the questions wrong. argh. nego, i knew the provisions, but wasn’t able to recall a commentary so i screwed one 10-point number. nonetheless, i still love nego. nakakalitong masaya haha, weirdo. partnership, i knew the requisites, just got it all messed up the way i explained them. looking back, my answers didn’t make sense. tsk tsk. kulang sa mastery dahil di ko masyado inaral, napakahirap naman kasi aralin. di absorbable ung codal and yung subject matter, walang context, walang kwento.
tomorrow is crim pro day. a close second favorite to nego. i just wish i’ll get my act together so i can study with my whole heart. nakakainis. i feel i’ve really been mediocre lately. and just when i said i won’t let "accounting" happen again. eto nanaman, mag-reregret nanaman after that i did not give it my all when i could have. but it’s not too late i guess. madame pang midterms to come. kailangan magAral. can i just say im treating my study of the law as a labor of love? Coz i know i couldn’t pay back the hardwork my parents are exerting just to let me continue my studies here. and everytime i commit a mistake, i get hurt because im one step farther from my goal of giving my parents the best gift they can get out of my stay in law school–that is, giving them good grades and making myself the best person that i can be through my study of the law. ang hirap talaga mag-seize ng day! you get tired with all the pressures whirling around you. it’s just so crazy.
tama na. aral na ko crim pro. wish me luck friends. i hope i’d find myself and find comfort in my quest for one of my first true loves.
Binasa ko ang makabagbag damdaming blog ni Euns hehe at now ko lang nalamang naghamon pala siya about scores sa final exams! hahahaha…tawang-tawa ako Euns! bakit mo naman kailangan sabihin yun? hehe…wala lang yun…super sabog talaga mga finals ko this sem…lalung lalu na ang Oblicon that’s why nung nakita ko sa school c Ma’am Maita kahapon, nagskip talaga ng beatSSSS ung heart ko…at cnabi nya pa talaga na madali ang exam!?! sigh…weird lang talaga ang sem na to..it seems i never gained back the passion i’ve had last sem…and it’s so sad
i’ve always wanted to be a lawyer, all right. but law school’s really a very different ball game from grade school, high school and college. I admit i was really lax this sem. I’ve lost the motivation to study for some reason. I usually rationalize it, sinasabi ko masyado ako napagod from last sem but I know that’s only half-true. I’ve been mediocre this sem. I rarely study. I sleep at 8pm and wake up at 8am then I study till 12nn…what the!?!? looking back, naiinis ako sa sarili ko…kasi di ko naman kailangan gawin yun…but no!!!! nagpabaya ako and I have to be accountable for that. nakakainis lang talaga because I know I could do better.
Tapos panahon pa ata ngayon ng madaming achievements from my schoolmates sa high school…Congrats to Joan for topping the bar…i know you’ll make it. I just wish i have the diligence and determination as you have. The problem with me is that i lose track of my goals. I know i want to be a lawyer but I don’t want to be just an ordinary lawyer. I want to be the best lawyer that I can be. This, I can only achieve if I give my heart out and consume my being in my study of the law. And to think I hate mediocrity. May pagka-ningas kugon kasi ako eh…sa simula ok then it’s a downhill from there…tpos pag patapos na, marerealize ko, what have I done? tpos mag-aaral just in time para makaabot sa honors. WEIRDO JENO!!!!
Hindi naman ako humihiling ng kahit ano eh…nahihiya lang talaga ako first, sa parents ko. ang mahal ng tuition for God’s sake. At di ko pinagbubuti….super di na nga ako halos nag-aral this past sem and naiinis ako’t gusto kong kalbuhin yung sarili ko dahil sa ginawa ko…but it’s over (well, technicaly di pa dahil c ma’am chu eh may paper pa na pinapagawa na di ko pa ginagawa). second, sa mga professors. the reason why i studied like crazy last sem was nahihiya ako sa mga professors. they’re arguably the best lawyers in the land, and feeling ko it’s only proper na maging worthy ako of being their student. Yun bang i need to show them na di sila nagkamali na i-devote ang time na magturo sa class dahil after all, we’re a very promising lot. third, nahihiya ako na matawag na ateneo law student tapos tatamad-tamad. ARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!! super naiinis talaga ako. kung pwede lang burahin ang 2nd sem ng 1st year!!!
Sinasabi ng mga tao, partida raw pag sinasabi kong di ako nakapag-aral…but it’s true…di naman ako machine..di naman masama ang loob ko. but nakakahiya rin kasi tulad nyan, sinasabi ng mga blockmates ko na i’m good (but never ko pa rin talaga magets ung idea na yan) pero i don’t study well…parang nakakahiyang di ako makalive up sa kung ano man ang meron to live up to. All i want is to give it back to my parents–i know na ang hirap magpaaral ng Law and talagang hirap na hirap na talaga sa mga finances. That’s why looking back, im up to the point na talagang pinagdarasal ko na lang na this past sem was not that bad after all–but i’ll always be regretting the fact that I know I did not do what I really have to do..that is, to study hard.
Sabi ko pa naman i’ll do my best. But it’s too late to rectify what’s there is to 2nd sem…meron pa kong 6 sems (hopefully) na natitira…di na talaga mauulit ang sem na ito…ang pangit ng feeling na alam mong you could have done something pero nagpabaya ka…hay. But i’m always hopeful that things will be alright. i really believe prayers can help a lot. Kasi lawschool’s not really about intellectual fitness eh….the emotional part is really draining. Lawschool asks everything from you and much much much more. I am looking forward to a very fruitful 2nd year….sana di ko na malimutang maraming tao ang talagang umaasa sa akin–magpapaaral pa ko ng kapatid, yung parents ko kailangan kong tulungan, na i want to have a good career…etc…madami talaga…I leave it up to God. I know he has plans for me….kaya ako nandito at kaya nangyayari ang lahat ng bagay na ito sa akin.
"Believe…for even the scarcest of resources has the makings of a miracle."
- St. Clare of Assissi
it’s a saturday morning and im supposed to be studying for crim. but im not. i never got used to going to class on a saturday. super off ang system ko. parang nag-aautomatic hybernate ako come 5pm Friday. haha. funny, the sem’s about to end and until now, im bitter about having a saturday class.
im kinda in limbo the first half of the sem. parang dumaan lang na hangin. wala ako nafeel. stress, yes. but not because of the matter i have to study but because i don’t study. well, let me qualify that. i dont study as much as i did last sem and it’s kinda frustrating. this was supposed to be a relatively easy sem. looking back, i even can’t imagine how i was able to stand the gruelling hours of studying cases. i even can’t imagine i studied THAT hard. di ako nerd eh, gusto ko balanced yung buhay ko. coz i don’t believe that all i have to learn is inside a classroom. that’s just 10% of what i have to learn. The bulk of the more important virtues lie outside the halls of the school.
so yan. mejo bitter ako kasi kung nag-aaral ako e di mas ok sana. but no regrets. that’s part of the training. tao ka eh. you have priorities and you live your life accordingly.
i love being a happy person. way back in grade school, i was a very very very shy girl who would cry when asked to recite a passage from my reading book. haha, the memories of Ms. Umali, my grade school reading teacher who saw through me and developed my potentials. i love being the outspoken me. i love to talk, really…about anything. about politics, the latest showbiz chismis, the latest block chika, romance, about breaking up…etc..i really love to talk. I honestly think this has something to do with my past debate career… i love debate, the euphoria of speaking about almost anything under the sun. Of course i don’t debate anymore (except for the moot thing in Persons)–nonetheless, that doesn’t mean that i love the art less.
i’ve read the blog of a very good friend just a couple of minutes ago. i admire that girl’s passion..if only i have as much discipline as hers. I can still vividly remember that first day when i met her face-to-face. First few words, "I hate mediocrity. I you think that you’re gonna win a debate by being mediocre, you’re wrong." hehe…very passionate person…hay, and i really wish she’d make it to the top sa bar exams. grabe ang passion, sana ako rin…im also passionate about the law. it’s what ive always wanted but sometimes i tend to forget that in order to become who you dream of becoming, you have to work for it. you can’t be a good lawyer by sleeping on your books every gruelling night. You have to do your best. Mediocrity is an evil and it’s right in front of my face this semester. Worse, i succumb to it.
No regrets. No frustrations. Those are my choices. I suffer the consequences. Sometimes, i feel na im so overrated. I’m not as diligent as some of my other classmates, i just get lucky. To be honest, last sem was one hell of a sem for me. No expectations, nothing at all. I just did my homework, studied, studied and studied. At the end of the sem, i was shocked. Really. I wasn’t expecting anything, an 85 was a dream average. i repeat, a dream. I don’t know what good i’ve done to deserve what i got last sem. That was more than what i wanted. But i am so thankful. And i want to do it again–and go overboard what ive achieved last sem.
Di ko alam kung paano ko gagawin, that’s the problem. I want to be consumed with my ardor and passion for the law. I want to become a good lawyer–no, i want to become the best lawyer that i can be. That i can only do if i study every single night like last sem. I want to be good at what i love most. What’s more, i want to be a better person through my study of the law. The problem is, it’s really difficult acquiring the discipline that will enable you to become a good lawyer. At this point, i realize that passion is an edge–but passion is one thing, discipline and hardwork is another.
I believe that the next few weeks and months in this sem are very crucial to my study of the law. I’ve always wanted to be a lawyer–that is undisputed. But the path towards achieving a long time dream is not a walk in the park. One has to gather her strength and face the world with an unwavering gaze indicative of the zealous desire to weather whatever unforseen thing or event there is. At the end of it all, whatever there is left to combat is just a matter of faith, passion and determination. I see myself holding my diploma for juris doctor on March 2009. The law is my passion and I am ready for whatever it takes to get me where I’ve always wanted to be.
una sa lahat, maligayang bati sa aking kaibigang c IRA VALDEZ…hehe..happy birthday katoto! hehe, ayan kahit dito sa blog ko binati kita…senxa ka na kasi busy sa school kaya late na rin today kita nabati =)
speaking of school, naiinis ako sa aking study habits lately…actually, di ko nga matawag na STUDY HABITS kasi tulog ako ng tulog ng tulog ng tulog…wala akong naaaaral tuloy pagdating ko from school! hay! anu ba to!? and this is supposed to be my passion isn’t it!??!?!?!? argh..naiinis talaga ako sa sarili ko bakit ang tamad tamad tamad TAMAD ko talaga lately. namimis ko ung gulpi de gulat nila sir cande at sir vallente…kasi pag ganun ung mga calibre ng mga professors talagang mapapaaral ka eh…not that im complaining na magaan ang load relatively this sem BUT ang sama kasi ng feeling that this is supposed to be the sem na babawi and then!!!! hay ang tamad ko talaga gusto ko iumpog ulo ko sa pader
di ko mafeel nga ang xmas kasi tulog lang ako ng tulog! ganun talga katindi! hay…sana maibalik ko ung last sem…and for some reason, nag-iba ang aking study sked, last sem…ang style ko tulog pagdating sa house then gcing ng 11pm then aral til 5am then tulog ulit til 8am…aba!!!!! ngayon iba naman! kailangan ko agad mag-aral pagdating sa house dahil chances are, pag di ko inupuan ung readings for the next day, ill end up not reading them at all for the night and cram my brain the next day! weird…but this is what happens kung di regular ung classes eh…dahil sa mga morning classes last sem hanggang ngayon di pa rin ako makabawi…hay buhay nga naman
di ko nga rin maintindihan kasi pakiramdam ko nasa warp zone ako…di ko man lang namalayan na xmas na pala next week! ngek…feeling ko may 2 weeks pa bago mag-end ang classes…sus, pasko na pala! ayan, nasira nanaman ang plano ko na mag-aaral na for real dahil bakasyon nanaman at pagdating ng january mahihirapan nanaman ako mag-aral mode dahil nagliliwaliw pa utak ko! buhay! pero di naman ako nagsisisi na naglalakwacha talaga ako every sunday…dahil kung di ko gagawin un, mamamatay ako hehe joke di naman…masisiraan lang ng baet haha lol =) kasi naman ung saturday class! nakakainis!!!! e ako pa naman c rest day pag sunday kaya ngayon rest day pa rin ako ng sunday…pagdating ng monday…cram cram cram nanaman!!!!
mga pipol! nakita nyo ba c KC kanina? bagay ang lugay ng buhok diba? haha…ayaw talaga nun maglugay ok naman..diba joan? shelly? leah? ricel? hehe
so anu kaya ireregalo ko sa aking mga mahal sa buhay? kanina pinag-uusapan namin ung nila Pi, KC at Joan pauwi…hehe, c Shelly daw bibili ng rolex haha joke lang shelly!!!! grabe 398,000 ang isang rolex daw…sus talga, cno ba bibili nun? (actually, marami hehe) pero kotse na un eh…anyway! ayun nga, di ko maisip kung ano ireregalo ko sa aking 1)family; 2) boyfriend; 3) family ni boyfriend haha…mga friends,tulong naman!!! ung budget ko ha, di pang-rolex haha =) bahala na, basta galing sa puso wehehehe
hay nako, inaantok nanaman ako!!!! (see? see? see?) dito na lang to, chaka na ung iba kong naiiisip…inaantok na ko!
"Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing
because he could only do a little."
-Edmund Burke
today is one of the worse days of my life. ang hirap pala ng naghihintay. im sure nakakarelate yung mga classmates ko as well as my fellow ateneo law studs…today is the ultimate day of judgment, the day that we dread–release of our grades. it never occurred to me that the release of grades would be so much of a fuss…well, during the sem break, i busied myself with a lot of stuff to do…reading books (NOT law books), doing household chores, accompanying my siblings to malls, basta…i did everything to divert my attention from THIS day. everytime that someone would mention the topic that the release of grades is up and coming, i’ll go wild and tell the person to stop because i don’t want to talk about it. i just want to enjoy the sembreak, that’s all.
i tried to evade this day but today, the reality of the fact just keeps on creeping under my skin. It stares at me eye-to-eye telling me that i can’t escape any longer. and i really dread the feeling. super helpless, looking at my mailbox na wala naman dumadating na message kundi ung mga sarili ko ring messages about the appeals process and other announcements. kanina, i tried to divert my attention again, naglampaso ako ng buong bahay, ginawa ko ung documents ng mom ko for SSS and Philhealth, nagpunta ako ng bank…ang dami talaga…but it all comes down to this pa rin…sabi nga ni Lec, kailangan talagang harapin.
and now, nagsusulat ako dito ng kung anu-ano para lang pampalipas ng oras…gusto ko na to matapos…para na ko aatakihen sa puso sa kaba. Parati sinasabi sa akin na dapat di ako kabahan but you know, tao lang tayong lahat…and talaga, right this very moment pakiramdam ko sasabog na yung puso ko sa kakatibok ng sobrang bilis. gusto ko na nga lang biglang maglaho sa kawalan eh…big deal ba talaga tong release ng grades? sa akin big deal kasi i want my mom to be happy. and i want to make sure that she’ll be happy when i tell her about my grades. but what if di cya as i thought? dun ako nagkakaproblema…i’ve never expected anything since the day na nagLaw school ako..if you don’t expect anything, there’d be no frustrations and disappointments. i just enjoyed it and i really had fun. but at the end of it all, i still want something out of my wonderful experience during the 1st sem–and the irony of it is that, THAT in itself is an expectation. With that, i make myself vulnerable to anything.
ngayon, may nagtext…hay..tinatanong ako about my grades…shucks, parang mamamatay na ko sa paghihintay…itutulog ko na lang cguro to. napakahabang araw talaga ng araw na to.
